Remembering Say #5 (Heartbreak!)

Left to right: Me, my brother Wade (walking away), and Say (looking thoughtful).

This is more of a Say-related memory. She plays a part, but isn't featured in the memory so much.

And no, this is not the longer story I want to share. (And I should stop referring to it as longer, etc., as it will probably end up being short and folks will wonder what the heck I meant by "longer" there.)

So my sister, her second husband, and her three daughters moved to Oregon sometime when I was around 10 or so. I mentioned this in an earlier memory, I think. I could ask around and get the year right, but it's not important. I was a kid. That's the bit you need to know.

I cannot describe to you how heartbroken I was by this. It was going to be the first time in my life my sister was going to be unavailable to me. And my three nieces were going to be gone, too. It was awful. I remember very well how terrible it felt. It may not have been my first disappointment, but as far as gut-wrenching heartbreak, I'm pretty sure it was the first.

This is when I learned Mom--who was usually great with kids--was not great with a kid going through emotional turmoil. I remember trying to sleep that first night when they had left. It felt a sadness so huge I thought it would envelop me, the world... heck, possibly the known universe, had I known about it.

I got out of bed and went to talk to Mom who was reading in bed. I tried to tell her how sad I was. I don't know if it was because she was dealing with her own feelings (I suspect more about her granddaughters than her daughter, if so) or what, but she gave me some off-the-cuff response and told me to go back to bed.

I don't know how many years they lived in Oregon, and I'm not sure the exact order of events. I think they moved to Iowa next, but I may have that wrong. All I know is Iowa is the setting of the story I've been wanting to share for a few days now. It's one of my favorites.

So I hope that gives you a bit of a better picture as to how important my older sister was to me when I was young. Words like "heartbroken" and "devastated" don't seem to cover how I felt. That is what my sister meant to me.

Love you, Say!

Remembering Say #4 (Here We Come...)

Here's the thing... it's not so much a memory as it is both a collection of them and an important impact my sister had on me.

The Monkees.

My sister was a fan. I must have heard their first album (or two) multiple times in the first several years of my life. Those songs were so deep in my head I remember being 12 or 13 or so (having not listened to the Monkees for several years) and getting "Tomorrow's gonna be... tomorrow's gonna be... tomorrow's gonna be another day... ay... ay... hey hey hey hey!" in my head and having no idea where it came from. (I went on a pre-internet search and eventually worked it out.)

She thought Micky Dolenz was the cutest of the four. I grew up to find I did not disagree.

These days--and all my life, really--any song by the Monkees makes me think of her. Even the ones that came later and she wasn't necessarily as excited about as she might have been some 30 years prior.

I just realized if there's any sort of afterlife going on, she may have already met all of the Monkees but her favorite, who is still busy here on Earth living and stuff.

Anyway, I had a different memory I wanted to share, but I want to do it as much justice as possible... and me realizing I hadn't written today's memory yet as I was preparing to go to sleep meant I had to make a change in topic. This small fact that the Monkees will be forever linked to my sister in my head seemed a good share in this situation.

And for me it is a good one. And a reminder that good memories of Say are only a song away.

Remembering Say #3 (Up, Table)

 

Another story where my sister decided to scare me (and a few siblings)... I swear this won't be a theme.

I couldn't tell you how old I was, but I know where Say and her family were living at the time, so that helps me place it. She was married to (or about to marry) her 2nd husband, and I'm positive this was before Say and family moved to Oregon. So that's how old I was. Which tells you nothing. Maybe 10 or so, at a guess.

Anyway, I couldn't tell you the other adults involved. I want to say Mom and maybe an aunt. Lois, maybe? Or maybe it was two other people entirely.

All I know is a couple/few of my siblings and I were over at their house, and the three adults decided to play "Up, Table" (and if you don't know, that's like a seance thing where the table "somehow" tips up and will bang once for "Yes" and twice for "No" as the spirits answer questions).

So they put their hands on the edge at one side of the card table and started chanting, "Up, table..." over and over. Of course the table tilted--not due to any pressure applied by the adults, of course.

They started asking questions, establishing it was a spirit talking to them. Then they started asking if something bad was going to happen to each of us kids. Of course, "Yes," every time. We were all screaming and carrying on, but honestly more in a "fun" way than not.

It's an odd memory to share, I know, as there's not a lot to it. But it's one that has popped up repeatedly in the month ago since Say passed away, so I wanted to share.

Love you, Say! (Up, table.. up, table... up, table... up, table...)

Remembering Say #2 (Help Me, Mark...)

Today I'll share the fact I have very few (if any) memories of my sister living with us.

That's a memory, right?

She was over 15 1/2 when I was born. When I was almost 18 months old, my younger brother was born. I don't know if Mom was in the hospital an extra amount of time or what, but Say looked after me a lot when I was little, and possibly even more while Mom was off getting my younger brother from the stork.

I'm not sure, but I have always imagined the "Where Say go?" incident took place the day mom returned from the hospital. Like I said, that could just be my brain deciding things.

I know we spent a lot of time together, at any rate.

I have been sloshing through the deep recesses of my memory, and the only memory I can salvage that I think was possibly while she was living at home was the time it was just us at the house and I heard her faintly calling out, "Mark, help me..."

I remember going into the bedroom I thought her voice was coming from, but she wasn't there. I remember my distress rising as I went around the house, with her still calling out in a quiet and high-pitched voice, "Mark, help me..."

I eventually went back into the bedroom I first investigated, and finally realized she had opened the door to that room and the door to the closet in that room (they met if you opened them at the same time/rate) and was hiding behind them playing a trick on me.

I remember being happy I found her and she was okay. I sorta understood she was playing with me... but part of me wasn't well pleased about the whole deal.

Anyway, it's possible this was after she was married, maybe after she had her first daughter, Leslie. But it could have just as easily been while she was living at home with us still.

Add to the things to wish I'd asked her while she was still here: Remember that? When was that?

Love you, Say... even though that was a mean trick to pull on me! 

Remembering Say #1

My sister's birthday is today. She passed away on the 30th of last month, so she didn't quite finish her 72nd trip around the sun. She went by Lynne (her middle name) for the last several decades. She became Say to me when I was a toddler and couldn't say her nickname from her youth (Rusty).

I decided shortly after she passed to start sharing memories on her birthday. Maybe one for each trip around the sun (including the partial = 72), or maybe until I reach the number of the day of her birth (28). I still haven't decided. Maybe I'll go until I realize I've run out of memories.

The first memory is from 36 or 37 (possibly 35) years ago today.

I was home from college for the summer. Or I was home for the weekend while living in Liberty during the summer in college. Either way, she'd come over to the house and when she saw me she asked if I was going to wish her a happy birthday.

"It's not your birthday," I said, a bit indignantly.

She returned my indignant tone with interest, assuring me it was her birthday.

I replied that nobody in our family has a birthday in June... well, the immediate family, anyway.

And as I was thinking through my siblings and my birthdays... two in January, one in April, one in May, one in July, one in August, one in September... 2 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 7. I was short one.

How did I not know her birthday? She was like a second mother to me, being about 15 1/2 years my senior.

So that was the day I cemented her birthday in my brain. She would have been in her mid-thirties, which is so odd to me, having passed those by a couple of decades ago myself.

Anyway, not a huge memory, but an appropriate one for today.

Love you and miss you, Say.

 

[Go No Place But] Home For the Holidays

Don’t go no place but home for the holidays,
And be careful whenever you may roam
When you long for the sunshine of a friendly gaze,
For the holidays, vid chat from home, sweet home

I know a man who lives in Tennessee, and he’ll live chat with four
Pennsylvania friends home eating pumpkin pie
From Pennsylvania faces seen on screens in Dixie's sunny shore
From Atlantic to Pacific
Gee, web traffic is terrific

Don’t go no place but home for the holidays,
And be careful whenever you may roam
If you want to protect your loves a million ways,
For the holidays - you can't beat home, sweet home

I Can't Wait Till Halloween (with apologies to Milan Hartz, Don Ricardo, Lois Jean Ridgely, and Mel Blanc, and anyone else associated with "I Tan't Wait Till Quithmuth Day")

 

I Can’t Wait Till Halloween

I'm gonna do my droppin’
From somewhere quite unseen.
I’m gonna scare my parents
When it is Halloween!

I got a great big candy sack
To fill up to the top
I know there’s lots of candy
And one time, soda pop!

Oh! Witches spells, ghosts in trees
Soon will be here
I can’t wait till Halloween
I’m glad it’s very near!

Oh! Witches spells, ghosts in trees
Soon will be here
I can’t wait till Halloween
The Best Night of the Year!

I’m gonna scare my sister:
Remove her dolly’s head.
I’m gonna scare my brother:
A bony hand in bed.

I’m gonna scare my mommy:
A mouse in her new coat.
I’m gonna scare my daddy:
A mummy run remote.

Oh! Witches spells, ghosts in trees
Soon will be here
I can’t wait till Halloween
The Best Night of the Year!

I can’t forget the pranking
For Tommy down the street.
I’ll tell him I dismembered
Aunt Lil and Uncle Pete!

I’ll say I brought a present:
A box that’s stained all red.
He’s gonna be so happy
To find it’s not a head.

I’m gonna be a mummy... 
Or maybe something green.
I’ll be a good whatever thing
For this year’s Halloween

Cuz scaring’s fun for parents
And every kid I meet.
And I know I’ll get scared myself
When I go trick or treat!

Now I’ll think up my costume,
Pick out what I will be,
And then I’ll tell my parents
They must make it for me!

Then I’ll be very happy.
I know I'll look so keen,
Cuz there’s no other night compares
With good Old Halloween!

Oh! Witches spells, ghosts in trees
Soon will be here
I can’t wait till Halloween
I’m glad it’s very near!

Oh! Witches spells, ghosts in trees
Soon will be here
I can’t wait till Halloween
The Best Night of the Year!