Remembering Say #5 (Heartbreak!)

Left to right: Me, my brother Wade (walking away), and Say (looking thoughtful).

This is more of a Say-related memory. She plays a part, but isn't featured in the memory so much.

And no, this is not the longer story I want to share. (And I should stop referring to it as longer, etc., as it will probably end up being short and folks will wonder what the heck I meant by "longer" there.)

So my sister, her second husband, and her three daughters moved to Oregon sometime when I was around 10 or so. I mentioned this in an earlier memory, I think. I could ask around and get the year right, but it's not important. I was a kid. That's the bit you need to know.

I cannot describe to you how heartbroken I was by this. It was going to be the first time in my life my sister was going to be unavailable to me. And my three nieces were going to be gone, too. It was awful. I remember very well how terrible it felt. It may not have been my first disappointment, but as far as gut-wrenching heartbreak, I'm pretty sure it was the first.

This is when I learned Mom--who was usually great with kids--was not great with a kid going through emotional turmoil. I remember trying to sleep that first night when they had left. It felt a sadness so huge I thought it would envelop me, the world... heck, possibly the known universe, had I known about it.

I got out of bed and went to talk to Mom who was reading in bed. I tried to tell her how sad I was. I don't know if it was because she was dealing with her own feelings (I suspect more about her granddaughters than her daughter, if so) or what, but she gave me some off-the-cuff response and told me to go back to bed.

I don't know how many years they lived in Oregon, and I'm not sure the exact order of events. I think they moved to Iowa next, but I may have that wrong. All I know is Iowa is the setting of the story I've been wanting to share for a few days now. It's one of my favorites.

So I hope that gives you a bit of a better picture as to how important my older sister was to me when I was young. Words like "heartbroken" and "devastated" don't seem to cover how I felt. That is what my sister meant to me.

Love you, Say!

Remembering Say #4 (Here We Come...)

Here's the thing... it's not so much a memory as it is both a collection of them and an important impact my sister had on me.

The Monkees.

My sister was a fan. I must have heard their first album (or two) multiple times in the first several years of my life. Those songs were so deep in my head I remember being 12 or 13 or so (having not listened to the Monkees for several years) and getting "Tomorrow's gonna be... tomorrow's gonna be... tomorrow's gonna be another day... ay... ay... hey hey hey hey!" in my head and having no idea where it came from. (I went on a pre-internet search and eventually worked it out.)

She thought Micky Dolenz was the cutest of the four. I grew up to find I did not disagree.

These days--and all my life, really--any song by the Monkees makes me think of her. Even the ones that came later and she wasn't necessarily as excited about as she might have been some 30 years prior.

I just realized if there's any sort of afterlife going on, she may have already met all of the Monkees but her favorite, who is still busy here on Earth living and stuff.

Anyway, I had a different memory I wanted to share, but I want to do it as much justice as possible... and me realizing I hadn't written today's memory yet as I was preparing to go to sleep meant I had to make a change in topic. This small fact that the Monkees will be forever linked to my sister in my head seemed a good share in this situation.

And for me it is a good one. And a reminder that good memories of Say are only a song away.