That headline is how I sum up my holiday season. For reasons that may seem obvious to some, and not-as-obvious as others, I approached this holiday season in a "I'm-not-sure-I-want-to-do-this" state of mind. So as the days rolled on, I was just being moved along much like the nearly-immovable object.
Yeah, part of it was being afraid the holiday season would be depressing, but also I've got all kinds of stupid stress from trying to resolve my Gordian knot of a life. If I tug at Spot A it just makes things worse at Spot B.
I'm sorta approaching my birthday with the same mentality, but I've opted for the party as a way of forcing my hand, and maybe enjoying myself. Of course, if you've met some of my friends, you know that's impossible.
That would be one of the curses of my life: friends who don't get along.
For the most part my friends are pretty get-along-able, but it seems like my whole life I've always had to have that one good friend who isn't as much about sharing me.
Shawn Couch used to hate anybody that I befriended. Not in a "I hate you" sort of way, but more of a tell-me-he-doesn't-like-them-when-they're-not-around sort of way.
I still have that, but with more drama.
Some day I'll have a birthday party and all my friends will make it (or, if they cannot make it, they'll at least not make it without drama and attention-getting tactics). But by then I'll be too old to enjoy it.
However, this event will be a fun event anyway. Since I have so many people from so many parts of my life coming together, it's going to be like a mixer.
Now, if only I can get Spot A fixed so I can get Job A and Job B, thus taking care of Debts A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I... you get the idea.
I don't feel like I'm about to end my 39th year on this planet. I'm too young to be this old!