Wow. So, apparently my post last Sunday frightened at least one person. I didn't think it was like 100% negative. I'd done it mostly as an exercise in emotionless observation of my life (not that I need to exercise that particular muscle, but I flexed it anyway).
Got to see Jen and her son Emmet tonight (and I hope I spelled Emmet right). Jen's funny as usual, and I probably should go see her in the MCM&VCo. show. It's on the list.
This week in advent the theme is Peace... or the... something... is Peace. I don't know if it's a theme, or what.
And I realize that a) lots of people have it much worse off than I do, and have children to look out for on top of it, and b) who cares about my life and woe, when I could be sharing a funny story or something, but...
Wait, that reminds me: I still need a laffline for December. My traditional December homepage isn't up, because I don't have a December laffline!
E-mail me if you have one for me.
Anyway, Friday was bad. I mean, I thought the Friday before last was bad, but apparently my life is an experiment in one-upmanship between misery and woe.
I kid. But Friday was very bad. By the time I got home Friday night--no, even before I got home, but definitely more so after I picked up the mail, etc.--anyway, by that time, I was just wanting to crawl away and never come out to see the light of day. It's a good thing I don't know where any liveable caves are around here.
But, thankfully, what sitting under the tree won't cure (not that I tried that, because I was worried I'd fall asleep there and have all sorts of back issues in the morning... and also, I'd be so depressed if it didn't work), sleep will help.
Does everyone else have that reset button that gets hit with a good night of sleep?
Whatever, I woke up with some perspective, and with what passes for a positive outlook in my brain.
Also, Jin called early in the afternoon and asked if I could close, which equals more money, which equals... you know the drill.
And the fact the other person who was supposed to close sorta flaked and I had to deliver all by my lonesome for the last few hours didn't really bug me, because, again, money...
Boy, do I sound like a slave to the almighty buck or what?
Which is fair...
So, anyway, church was good, and the theme or whatever was Peace, and the talk was about the message of the season... or messages of the Advent season, and I thought back to Friday and realized that I don't understand Peace very well, but I sure would like it. The Peace that comes from getting a blanket and moving into a dark, dank cave, and never leaving it again. The kind of Peace that passesth understanding--which explains why I don't understand it very well.
It would just be nice to--have things just be nice, I guess.
And I had to wonder if I really do any good in the world, which was also part of the problem on Friday. I don't mean that in a... wah kind of way. I just mean I wonder if I do any good with the things I do. I feel my teaching suffers when I'm working so much, and I'm probably not off the mark there. And then there's beyond the "doing good" of teaching. I wonder, do I at least manage to do more good than harm just in my day-to-day life?
There needs to be a website where you could look that up. Nothing complicated. Just a pie graph, maybe. You can select what color to make the "good done" part of the chart, and the color to make the "bad done" part of the chart.
Then, adjust your life as fits.
Peace. I don't know. I think it's a great concept. I'm all for it. I've got some on backorder, methinks.
Anyway, this holiday season is kinda gonna stink for me, as I will not be giving much (okay, probably not anything) in the way of gifts.
This is probably where all this blah blah blah negative Ned stuff is coming from.
Well, bah humbug on that. I've got my lights, and that's something.
P.S. to the Board of Public Utilities: Please do not cut off my electricity until after the holidays. Thanks.