Monday, December 04, 2006

Yes, It Could Be My Imagintion (And Probably Is)... BUT... I May Be On The Verge Of Something

So, what a great night. I get to work (late) at P.J. and learn that I'm scheduled for ONE--count 'em--ONE night this week. And I don't even close.

Granted, it will be nice to rest some more, and not be so tired and just... at the end of every rope I've ever had.

However, the man is trying to bring me down, and I need some money to keep him slightly at bay.

So, there I am, taking my first delivery and generally feeling miserable about things, but also thinking about some other issues I've got going on based on a post-service conversation I had yesterday.

I get to my destination, walk up to the place, and as I get to the elderly woman standing in the already-open door, this smell wafts over me that has to be experienced to be believed. It was coming from the house, not her, I'm fairly sure. I described it to the folks back at the store as the smell of someone having eaten cat dook and then vomited it up. But I didn't say "dook."

And, what bit of the... and I'm kinda going out on a vocabulary limb by calling this place a house, but, here goes... what bit of the house I could see looked very much like, "let's hammer up some things to serve as shelves here on the drywall." Also, I think at least one person in this dwelling was dealing with some sort of severe mental challenge.

So while I'm in the doorway, and the elderly woman is signing the credit card receipt, I'm mostly thinking, "Please let me get away from the door before I hurl." This was due to the smell, not the decor.

When I turn and am returning to my car, however--and after I glanced down and noticed I didn't get a tip... and was subsequently surprised to learn I didn't particulary mind about that--I was struck by this feeling of... something.

It sorta branched out from the thought, "Getting out of that doorway was all the tip I needed," and went into this whole... I don't know what to call it.

My next thought was along the lines of, "There's a message here, and you're stupid not to see that." Of course, was the message, "Hey, you think life is awful, but you could be doing much worse," or was it, "This is what's next for you." I mean I wonder that now. At the time I felt it was a lesson in the former, not a warning of the latter.

And this put me in the mind of some things from the talk yesterday... I mean Talk, not the lower-case kind. Something about being ready and open... or maybe "open" is my word. Anyway, I just about had a flippin' mental breakdown in the car.

Yes, I know: I'm crazy.

But here's the thing. I just have this feeling that I'm on the verge of something.

Okay, here's a related story from my college years. When I was in Directing class, there were something like 7 or 11 or 13 directors in the class. I can't remember for sure, but I'm fairly sure it was a prime number. Anyway, after auditions with all the Basic Acting students, we all sat around Kim's desk in his office and sorta haggled over the actors.

We had come to what--at first glance--seemed to be a deadlock of sorts. Everyone had someone they just had to have, but had a sort of, "Well, if I could have..." exchange they would be willing to make. But, as I said, on the surface it didn't seem to match up.

But then my brain did this thing... and I don't know how to explain it, exactly. I just sat forward in my chair suddenly and--seriously--commanded everyone to be quiet. I don't know how else to say how I said it. I think sorta... let my brain connect the dots for a bit, and then I just pointed to each person and said, "You get so-and-so, which means you can have so-and-so..." and so on until I'd given everyone one of their choices. Then I stopped and asked, "Does that work?"

Because, you see, I wasn't even sure I was right about it, even though it sure FELT like I was right. But, also, we Riggs kids seem to have an overabundance of self-doubt.

And it did work. It was crazy.

So anyway, tonight I felt that. Or recognized I've felt that for a while. Not quite the "sit up, lean forward, and speak in a commanding voice" variety, but maybe about four or five levels below that.

I don't know what--if anything--it means, but here's hoping it means I've worked out some winning Powerball numbers, eh?

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