Thursday, October 18, 2007

Okay, So I AM Cursing The Darkness...


That sums it up.

Okay, sorry about that last post. I typed it up, then was going to spell-check and edit it, because I just sorta threw it all out there and wanted to fix it up, but my computer froze on me.

Luckily, saves every however-many seconds, and when I logged on the next night, there it was. However, I was too tired to do more than publish it.

Not my best rant, is all I'm sayin'.

But I meant well. And as per Andy's comment, yeah, I get the glass-half-full thing, but what with the situation that made me start thinking about the need for mentors, I guess I had "the horrible future of the road hopefully avoided" on my mind more than "the great future of the rode hopefully taken".

Well, and it's more than that. I guess with what I do or maybe it's just how I'm wired, I think more about stopping the horrible and figure someone better at living life will do the "starting something wonderful" part.

I mean, looking at my life, I'm thinking I'm WAY more skilled at knowing where the stupid choices get you than I am at knowing how to do things in a way that make sense.

So let me be the mess standing there saying, "Turn around! Bridge out! Abandon hope all ye who continue down this path!"

And so on.

Okay, that went a lot darker than I meant it to. Lighten it up a bit and you hopefully get the idea.

While I'm on the topic of Comments, let me first say "Hey" to Chris! I was really amazed that you read this, Chris, and thrilled that you commented! Go over to my website and find a link to my e-mail an drop me a line! I'd love to know what's going on in your life.

And also on the topic of Comments, let me second say, "Are there no mentoring programs other people are aware of? I was really hoping a link or two would crop up in that last post's comment."

There, I've said it.

Anyway, tonight I'm thinking about what a horrible place this world can be, and how I am SO not equipped to manage very well in it. Or, I'm thinking about how I'm wired in such a way that I more often wait around to be of use to someone than think about what I want to do or be and work toward that. Or, I'm thinking that this is all wrong, and if I could just figure out where I took the wrong turn, it'd just be a matter of back-tracking and adjusting... but who has a time machine? Oh yeah, and I'm thinking that decades-long apathy doesn't lead anywhere good.

Also, I'm thinking about this thing that happened to me this summer, where I thought... or felt, I guess... that things were going to be better--

And let me stop that thought to say that, yes, they are better, but the stupid hopeful part of me thought that meant "better" in that life would be better, not that I'd be much better equipped to say, "Well, what happens is what happens, and I'll deal with it when it comes." Which is nice and all, seriously, but stupid hopeful me just thought things would be... you know... BETTER.

Anyway, I felt like I had a life-changing experience... and now I'm wondering if the big change was that to completely make it out of the frying pan I'm gonna have to drop into the fire and make my way around the... okay, now I'm wondering if there's a word that means "the stuff you've put in the fire so that it keeps burning" (and don't say "fuel", because I'm looking for a word more... um... fancy than that), be it logs, or paper, or whatever. Well, whatever it's called, I imagine there's now all this fire and stuff that's on fire that I have to work around to get out of the general vicinity of the frying pan.

Well, now I've gone and painted it much more dire than I meant to.

I just mean--in case people haven't been paying attention to the world around them--that this world can be difficult and disappointing at times.

Blah blah blah.

Here are some joyful things:

Kids who are 12 years old will go out of their way to make sure nobody sees their class photo, but if you suggest to them they should put a paper bag over their head, they act all insulted.

Just when you think life is boring and awful, there's the sky, full of blue and whatever other colors go with the time of day, and--more often than not, it seems--a bunch of REALLY cool clouds. Also, there's often some cool sun action in there as well.

Grades are done for the first quarter! I've got my plans done for second quarter!


Okay, how strange is that? I'm sitting here trying to focus on the joy, and struggling to come up with some really great joyful thing to end with... and I get a joyful phone call.

This world is a trip.


Anonymous said...

Kindling is what you put on a fire to keep it going.

EyeRytStuf said...

Yeah, okay, so what do you call the stuff that's in the first and in the process of burning?