Thursday, August 06, 2009

Why Must I Be Sad?

I'm not sad. That's a They Might Be Giants Song that was going through my head just now for reasons that I may clear up by the time I get to the end of this rambling post...

Anyway, check out how I don't post here much. Done checking? Cool.

Here's a list of things I haven't written about, but thought about while away from the computer: Evidence shows that my brother Wade is a good big brother (on average--he ain't perfect or nothin'); I have to have a poll on here for people to say it matters to them that I eat right and exercise and try to get healthy, because I'll never do it for myself--but I'll do it for others; vacation is coming to an end and I have little to show about it; my life must be less stressful, because I have fingernails; how do you apologize to people you've hurt horribly when you think an apology is going to pale in comparison to the horribleness that was you on a rage rampage; and more...

But now I'm writing because I couldn't sleep (from 2:30 to about 3:10 there was a concert in my room as I tried to remember lyrics to songs to put myself to sleep--I didn't work) and I was looking at different things I'd written. Since I don't have all my files off the old computer yet, I don't have a lot of stuff available... so I went to the old posts from 2005 and 2006.

Reading through those made that TMBG song start going through my head.

A friend told me, "You'll never be that happy again," and I'm afraid she's right.

At any rate, reading these things did actually cause me to feel better about life--I haven't forgotten how awful things were when I lived in that house and was digging my way out of robbing-Peter-to-pay-Paul-ville, but reading things I wrote while I was there put my part of my brain back in it so the compare/contrast was much easier.

The up side of pizza delivery: I thought more. I think I do my best thinking while driving. There's no TV to drown out my brain. I think I need to start making some "thinking time" part of my day... but what are the odds?

The other thing I have to do is start going to church regularly. I've had some horrible times this summer, and I know it's because I've gotten out of that practice of being in church every week. Get me--I'm actually one of those people who says his life is better if he goes to church each week. When did that happen? But I know it's what's missing.

What's missing from Ch__ch? U R!

Anyway, I think I've reached that special time of the early morning when I can actually fall asleep without a sleep aid. Wish me luck on getting up and getting to the school in the morning--I have furniture-moving I want to do before we go back next week.

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